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Sunday, May 3, 2009

May 3, 2009, a week later

Randy and Darren ~ 1988

So much has been happening this week and never has my life been so frustrating to me. I thought I would be in Missouri with my Mother by now. Well, things with my family are difficult and we have never had the relationship we are experiencing now.

I spoke my voice and opinion when it was not asked for and it was not appreciated. All it has done is cause trouble within all of us. It is just better that I am not there as I know how Randy and I were; that last big bear-hug he gave me November 2008 when his son was married in Louisiana and he squeezed me and took my breath away, A Big HUG! A BEAR HUG, like he always did when we said good-bye as he and my Mother were going back to Missouri, and I was returning to Alabama. Going our separate ways again since we both lived in different states, but we had a wonderful time at the wedding.

He had received news this spring that he was to be a grandfather in October. He told me over the phone and he was BEAMING. I could feel his Joy and Merriment in his voice. He had never been happier than the day his son was born!

Anyway, Randy and I were “OK”, we were fine and we had spoke of death together. He was an adventurer as one of my brothers described him. And SO TRUE! It was a fabulous word to describe him. He skydived and scuba dived! He loved to hunt and fish, just to be outdoors! When he came to Alabama to live with us in his high school years we had some of the most memorable and fun times in both of our lives. We both had Jeeps and went jeepin’ and truckin’ with many of our friends, like a group! He got called to the principal’s office and when he came home and told me I was terrified, “ What had he done? Well, he had got mud all over the parking lot! And the principal didn’t like it!
He barely washed his jeep many weekends befire school on Monday as we would go out on Sundays and get so muddy that the windshield was barely see though-able. His license plate was just readable, as he would take a paper towel and wipe it off. Grins! What memories! No one can take them away! He made woodwork and he and a friend worked in Branson at “Silver Dollar City”. He could work on any car and had a complete tool set. He just always helped anyone in need, part-time home repairs, etc.

But we had a brother- sister relationship that was very close. And we were ok in our hearts so he knows how I feel and I know he is watching. I hope he knows I am doing ok.
I am trying hard! A friend told me that “ I “ comes before “U “ and to trust that. I am!
And to just remember the "Serenity Prayer"

or in another way, lets study it another way

Blessings, Cyndi


Ivy and Haley said...

This is a hard time of your life. I lost my little sister a few years back (she was seven). Most days its fine, sometimes it hits me so hard that I can't breath. Keep your head up.

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Olde Dame Penniwig said...

So sad that your brother died before his time, as I put it. Two of my brothers died when they were only 36 and 38. It's very hard to take, but just hang in there, one step at a time, day at a time, minute at a time when it gets really bad. Glad that you have such sweet and fun memories of Randy, that's more precious than gems and gold.

Cora from Hidden Riches said...

Cyndi, your post was so beautiful, and I just felt the tears cleansing your eyes and your heart as you wrote! Hang on to the memories --- God gave us those -- and in the December days of your life, you will have roses as you think of him and those wonderful times! I've thought of you so often during the past weeks, and I've been praying for you! Bless you!